In the words of Tracy Jordan: You need to learn to anticipate me! Or in the mental models of Daniel Faraday: always consider the variables! The only constants of this game are A. crazy people are bad long-term allies, and B. you can't ignore people for 20-odd days and expect them to listen to you later. Seriously, Pete, never promise crazy a baby! Have you learned nothing from Arrested Development, 30 Rock, or Lost? Live together, die alone, pal. Pete used a crazy person to gain control of Tandang, but ignored Lisa and Skupin to the point of alienation. So how could he possibly be surprised when they jumped ship later on? Also, he let Abi have custody of the idol. He could've easily manipulated her into giving it to him. And finally, he also let Abi run amuck around camp. Pete, you were Liz Lemon (or Kenneth), and Abi was your Tracy. You have to keep a rein on that particular brand of keeping it real truth-bomb, because a person like that will damage you in the inevitable explosion. But no, he promised crazy a baby, and didn't consider the variables (the other players), and as a result was sent home. Adding insult to injury, he had to suffer the indignity of Carter laughing in his face. CARTER! The most important person in the game (a "pretty good spot" to be in), but also the dumbest, laughed in Pete's face as he finally considered his options. It's sad, really, because I liked Pete. He was a good guy. He just lacked the proper pop culture references to survive. And so now the die has been cast; like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives...
Penner is JOHN LOCKE: dead man walking, anyone? Ha ha, that one sure got some milage. Here's the thing - Locke was an awesome character and the audience loved him. But the castaways didn't trust him for some reason, and he was always the odd man out. He proved time and again how smart and strong and overall amazing he was, but no one really wanted to side with him. He bestowed wisdom like a regular Socrates, and comforted people in their darkest moments. He could never fully commit to anything, and lost Helen as a result. Helen here being Skupin and Lisa. Like so many other Johns before him, Penner's knee-jerk reaction ("don't tell me what I can't do!" *door slam*) has cost him a cushy alliance at the most critical moment. He's been crossed off Jacob's list.
Carter is BOONE: Boone was an idiot. A handsome, good-hearted idiot in sleeveless shirts, but an overall idiot all the same. But he served a purpose, mainly as a sacrifice to Locke's tunnel-visioned mission. And like Boone, Carter is attached to a man that will use him to attain a whackadoodle dream. (Side bar: how amazing was it when Carter laughed at Pete's offer? He pulled it together quick enough, but that moment made me adore the kid, like Boone. Purrr, Boone... I fanfic'd the heck out of that guy. *swoon*) In the end, Boone was used to futher Locke's story along, and this is Carter's fate as well. Barring an immunity win for Carter, Penner will suggest Carter as the vote to save himself.
Denise is JULIET: Like Jules, Denise's real story emerged through midway through the show, and is overshadowed by Kate. She's smart, has a cute smirk, and briefly was held hostage by a whiny egomaniac (Russell Swan is BEN LINUS. "Why not me, Jacob, I mean lord, I mean Jeff?"). And like Juliet, Denise's allegiance has been hard to pinpoint at times. Yes, she's with Malcolm, but it was never clear how solid she was with anyone else. Was she using them? Was she just going along for the ride? What is this broad playing at? We got a taste of her strategizing last week, and this week we saw her looking on in the background as Skupin and Malcolm felt each other out. (Gross, you totally thought I'd say "up", didn't you? What's wrong with you?) If anything, Denise is cautious and cunning, not impulsive and reckless. She will make calculated and deliberate moves in the game, which means she'll be overlooked on screen time because that's not as fun as watching someone like Lisa have a meltdown. Kinda like how Kate's histrionics won all the boys to her yard. Seriously, Juliet was way better than Kate, but Kate made for better tv drama.
Abi is ANA LUCIA: Ana Lucia was brash and abrasive, punished innocent people, and killed the eye candy. (RC is SHANNON.) No one likes Abi, no one liked Ana Lucia, except for those who like miserable people. Ana Lucia was eventually kept around because everyone felt sorry for her, and so it is with Abi. She was dumped on in a majestic fashion at the last TC, and if there's one thing these people are wanting to stress is that they are nice, good people. They are on Jacob's list, damn it, and want to prove they belong there. So that means taking pity on the one person who creates a tense and crappy environment. And like Ana Lucia, she'll be easy to get rid of later, as someone like that is naturally going to have someone else gunning for her.
Lisa is KATE: tell Kate what the plan is, tell her why she should do something, tell her sensitive information, and Kate will eff it up. She'll follow when you say "stay", she'll kick up resistance when it's smarter to just mellow a bit, and she'll run to the closet guy for constant validation. Ugh, we want to like Kate, we really do! But she's this troubled little girl no matter how much she protests that she's wearing her big girl pants this time. Constantly in flux about whether she's doing the right thing: do I go with Malcolm and Denise, or do I shoot my sicko dad, not-dad? Do I keep a secret for a man who trusts me, or run to the opposition and do it in a bear cage? Lisa lets her inner turmoil dictate her decisions, and as a result makes rash choices. But because she's nice and needs protection, she gets a pass. However, Lisa is not dumb, and is strong enough to carry herself to the end. I wouldn't call her a coattail rider at this point, because she is playing her own game. Just like Kate, Lisa both relies on men to bail her out, but still goes her own way. And just like Kate, she'll be stuck in the middle of two dudes' conflict.
Skupin is JACK: Jack Shepherd. First he was the star and everyone loved him, then people got sick of him and hated him, and so he retreated to the background. And then toward the end everyone started to like him again, and he became the hero. Huh. Who started this season out as a fan favorite and everyone was all stoked, and then fumbled a bit and took a back seat to others, only to later begin to rise once again to prominence and grace? No, really, who? I have no idea. So Skupin finally made a play in the game, and changed everything. He turned on the tribe that treated him like poo, and he did it without his right-hand lady. That was pretty ballsy of him, and I'm glad he made a choice independent of Lisa. But he needs Lisa, he wants Lisa to go to the end with him. He believes in her, and believes she deserves better. Like Jack, he flirts with joining the enemy, but ultimately chooses to not go with the people who hurt his people. And like Jack, they are taking time to show Skupin interacting with most of the players, so that his end will feel justified.
Malcolm is SAWYER: because he's hot, aligned with Juliet, and has a weird relationship with Kate. Because he's tall, carries a gun (idol), and is witty. Because he can run a con if needed, gets beat up often (via tribal targeting), and isn't the hero. And they painted Malcolm as a loner from the get-go. (Despite the contrary: he was always with Denise, but they sure tried to bury that for a bit.) Sawyer was great for making comments and observations that gave a wink to the audience (I will love him forever for his befuddlement about the Paulo and Nikki debacle.) And Malcolm has filled a very similar role this season. He doesn't feel like the hero, because he's not the hero. Instead he's us: he says what we're thinking, he makes the moves we say we'd do from home, and he aligns with the people we say we'd want to align with. (Oh, maybe he's actually HURLEY?) Say what you will about Sawyer, no one ever screamed "what are you doing?" at him like they did with other characters. And the same can be said of Malcolm; they give us enough insight through his confessionals that we understand his reasoning for the choices he makes. He also has a bit of savior syndrome, too, like Sawyer. But Sawyer wasn't the hero. He lives on, sure, but he's not the one. He's been crossed off the list. In the end, it was Sawyer's heart that cost him the primo job of being stuck on the island forever, and so it goes with Malcolm: he's going to be done in by a dame.
Jeff Probst is JACOB: Hey, remember when Jacob was just an idea, a god of sorts and didn't have any direct impact on what was happening on the show (as far as we knew)? Good times. But remember when he finally showed up, and we were all "what? no! you ruined the act, GOB!", but then it wasn't so bad because it added another dynamic to the show, and ultimately in the end Jacob's inclusion tied up a bunch of loose ends, even if it wasn't the most satisfying of outcomes. Jeff's interference at TC rose to new heights last night, but in a way it's not such a bad thing. Yeah, he's really flexing his arm-chair psychologist prowess, but he's also making the players confront the crap that usually hangs around camp like a passive-aggressive teenage girl at dinner. It's like he's tired of seeing certain plot threads just hang there and go unaddressed (like Lost), and because there's not enough time to fully develop the idea, he provides a quick and mostly effective resolution, or at the very least brings it to the surface. Jeff is inserting himself into the game and story, and while many people are upset that it's a little deus ex machina, I have to admit it's not a terrible thing. Forcing Abi to see how the others see her and forcing them to directly confront her might have been the kindest thing anyone has done for Abi, at least on the show. And it was a kindness to the others, as well, as they can finally breathe easy and not hold it in any longer. Also Jeff is Jacob because of the whole fire thing and the thing he has with Mark Burnett, aka the Man in Black. (MB)
